Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Randomize
