the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
it's great music for shaving your balls
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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