his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
Dude, Erin Andrews has a nude video circulating the internet.
Is it any good?
Let me put it this way: I bet Stuart Scott's lazy eye went straight after watching that.
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
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