after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
