also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
Randomize
