There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
Randomize
