He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
