My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
