I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
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