i wish starbucks made bloody marys
fuck your aforementioned shoe
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
Randomize
