You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Randomize
