Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
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