Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
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