okay pat passed out under dana's car
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
Randomize
