My underwear smells like fireworks.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Randomize
