He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
I don't �care how much you're grieving �a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.�
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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