My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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