Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
this will be a night to untag.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
Randomize
