Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
Randomize
