I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Randomize
