Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
Randomize
