Don't make out with my wife yet
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Randomize
