and you said cock pushups were impossible
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
you have to choose: penises or morals?
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Randomize
