Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
