Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
Its about making memories worth repressing
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
Randomize
