so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
