tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
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