She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Randomize
