Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
