I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
