i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Randomize
