We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
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