But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
Randomize
