so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
