In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
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