Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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