Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
