he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
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