Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Randomize
