I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Randomize
