I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
