When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
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