I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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