you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
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