In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Randomize
