So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
