Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Randomize
