I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
Randomize
