Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
