party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
Randomize
